Hi...
My sincere apologies for the long wait for this part ie Part 3b. So it's better if me wrote something now than be branded a "procrastinator" longer than necessary, right?
Part 3 is dedicated to incidents that had taken place that carried special meanings to both me & my other half in relation to the care of our grandson, J, namely how we had helped him overcome the traumatic circumstances & events that had confronted him... that he had to face in his pre-school days.
Incident #3 :
This involved 3 of our Marriage Anniversaries. Yup, that of me & my other half. I wonder if you are one who may believe in co-incidences. Early in his life, our grandson fell sick, consecutively, on the eves of 2 of our wedding anniversaries!
Well, each time we responded to the sad news that J was sick. We dropped everything and went over to take care of J till he was well. Our 2 anniversaries were spent at that "S"'s flat. Luckily for us, they did realise...the 2nd time around... that we had to forego any planned or unplanned celebration of any sort at that time. And, where credit is due, credit must be given, right? They did buy home, that 2nd time we had to sacrifice our anniv. celebrations for their son, a cake for both of us...for the anniversary day together that we had to give up to care for J...
That was the good part.
The sad & hurting part was that soon after, when J fell sick again, we were NOT allowed to go to take care of him anymore! To cut a long explanation short, it was said that they would only ask for our help if & when they needed our help to help take care of our grandson! Not this time. And it was to be so for the future.
Phew...I didn't know that grandparents must switch on & off their feelings & emotions towards the well-being of their 1st grandchild according to the whims & fancies of his parents! Do you?
We could only care for & love our grandson only when they allowed us! And it was like a rarity...
That trend of thought & view became worse as time passed by. We could not even visit them at their flat! A common reason given being that they were tired & wanted to sleep...young ppl in their twenties...so tired? Even when the parents (& InLaws to the wife) had come all the way from A/S to Penang? And it's not every day or every week that we do go to visit them...or even to Penang, for that matter. Neither would it be correct to say that they visited us often @Lot 10. Rarely, if ever, was the norm.
Anyway, after quite a number of failed attempts, we both gave up & accepted the fact that we were not welcomed most of the time. To care for our grandson or even to visit them. Period.
Now I wonder if we appeared to be a threat to them...? Probably so, after the incidents me related in Part 3a.
Incident #4 :
This happened after they had a 2nd child. A daughter. This daughter had fallen ill. Now that "S" called us for help...to take care of J. Now if the daughter is sick, why can't they take turns to attend to the daughter? Both wanted to be free to take care of only the daughter! Isn't the son also their child...? Or do they love him that much less?
That was when me felt the strong urge & need to set things right, once & for all. I had enough. No more being manipulated. No more letting them turn on & off my emotions, my feelings...as if I was a puppet! It was my turn to say "NO!"
So I turned down the request...not to respond to their request for help immediately on that day BUT instead, I told that "S" that we would go to Penang in a couple of days to pick up J, bring him to A/S for a day before we all went to Penang to carry out our plans for that year's wedding anniversary do. Our pre-booked hotel stay. J would stay with us. And yup, it was once again just before our next wedding anniversary! Now, wasn't that another co-incidence?
We did as we had promised.
However, J must have felt very ignored, rejected & not loved by both of his parents cos he fell sick on arrival at the hotel we had booked to stay for our anniversary. He vomitted in the car park. We took him to see a nearby doc. Conclusion? Probably food poisoning due to contaminated food in take-away meals cos the parents had no time to prep home food for him whilst caring for the sister. We gave him the doc's med. No more vomitting but he refused to take any food. Day after day.
To cut a long story short again, that first conclusion was proven wrong! I had to extend our hotel stay an extra day even...4D3N in all. Why? Cos our J still would not take any food! Actually, I had then proven to the father, namely that "S", that J could eat already! How did I know?I had insisted that that "S" must come so that J could recover. J ate & drank everything given to him by that "S"!! But the moment that "S" left, J just would NOT eat anything...yup, J was plain attention-seeking...cos he must have felt so unwanted when both parents focussed only on his sister.
My final conclusion? Our J must have suffered from neglect, lack of love & attention during the days his sister was sick...probably even long before...even when he was their only child. And most likely, it was worse after his sister was born...
We could both see how this poor little boy was treated each time we were given a chance to be with him...at meals, at home, in Malls...even on his own birthday! Sad, sad...a very sad, pitiful story.
That brings me to Incident #5:
One day...probably still pre-school if me not wrong, the family came to Lot 10 for a visit. And when we were alone with J, he told us how much he wished he could die...also how nice it would be to be just a mosquito & fly away....
Do you know how shocked both me & my other half were? Well & truly shocked! Now, why is a boy in pre-school having that kind of wish? To die? Children at his age should be happy, carefree, looking forward to happy times, especially so during weekends & times with parents! YOU tell me....
Both of us felt that that was too serious an issue to ignore. We just had to do something. We also just couldn't tell his parents. It would only make matters worse, right? Maybe even pushing him over the limit?
So, both of us hit on a plan to have him come to Lot 10 to spend his nearing holidays with us. A happier, more peaceful environment. We would then try our best to show him the beauty of life, the value of life & what life has to offer...and hopefully, remove such negative, even homicidal, thoughts from such a young mind!
Thank God the parents agreed to our offer of a holiday here for J...probably to them, it meant one less headache at home? Happy to get J out of their lives, even for a few days?
And thank God we could do as much as we possibly could to make life more meaningful & fill him with happy thoughts & happy times. Made him feel that he is somebody...respected him...as a person with feelings. And that Life can be & would be a great rewarding journey, etc., etc...
We knew we had got through to him at the end of that stretch of holidays with us cos another incident proved to us how J had felt the neglect & lack of attention by his parents to the extent of putting J's life then in danger! So sorry but this incident is not appropriate to be revealed here. TQ for understanding...
Well, that's Part 3b.
Part 4 ie the LAST part will be done in due time. Thanks for your interest up to this point.
Have a good week!
ps. Now some of you might be wondering why I'm putting all these as entries in my Blog now.
The main reason is...so that while I'm still sane & capable, all these incidents, feelings & hurt that I had, would one day be read by that "S" (if he still hasn't yet...), and... hopefully, when I'm gone or in total AD, he would see himself in his own "mirror" and would then become a better father (too late then to be a better son, sorry...).
The entries in this Blog would be a record of sorts...for "eternity", perhaps?
And, hopefully then, he would not, in his own words...to quote:
"turn out like you (meaning me) and make my children's life miserable like you are doing to me now!"
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