Does filial love still exist...?

Fri Oct 3rd, 2008

These few days have been void of anything interesting for me to make any posts. To me (and at this age), routine is good. No excitement & therefore no stress, too! Agreed?

So, to kinda keep this Blog from "...gathering any moss", me decided to open a topic for one & all to ponder. Life, as it was during our parents' time, has changed. Drastically, if I may say so. With the rat race & struggle for materialistic gains, many noble & virtuous elements in our lives have been pushed aside ,if not totally annihilated, in many of us.

One of those is the love that binds a family together. Yup, me talking about "filial" love. In Chambers, the adjective "filial" is defined as "pertaining to or becoming a son or daughter; bearing the relation of a child." Simply put, filial love means the love of a son or daughter for his/her parents.

Is filial love inborn? Nurtured? Compelled? What do you think?

Me? At this point in my life, I kinda get the picture that love, no matter from whom or for whom, has to come from within oneself. No amount of care, devotion nor love showered upon one's kids can make one feel confident of what is to come or to be in later times. You might have spent 30 or more years bringing up yr kid but once he's out of the "nest" and "exposed", there's no telling what kind of person he would become. The few years in the hands of very capable ppl can do wonders to bring down everything you had inculcated in your kid during all those difficult years...you'd be mighty surprised, even shocked at the "damage" these ppl could do!!

Look around you...keep your eyes & ears open...you will see what I've seen...and am still seeing...
On one extreme side of the scale, we have very outspoken parents who will tell their children out front. I've personally witnessed a mother telling her kids, "When mummy grows old, you'd better take good care of mummy!" Or another one asking, " Can you take care of mummy the same way mummy is now taking care of granny? " Now, when the time comes, do you think that kid would do what the mummy had asked? Or that the kid could look after her mummy the same way that her mummy took care of her own mother? Can anyone, for that matter, ever be sure of what the future holds for him/her?

Then...there's the other extreme. This group of parents would do their best for their kids and ask for nothing back from their kids...just giving & giving & giving...with the kids just taking & taking & taking! The kids would be enjoying their lives to their fullest while the parents save in every way possible...living on the minimum...so that their kids could have the best of everything. And when their parents have nothing more to give, the old couple (or whoever is left...might be the father or the mother) would be left to fend for themselves...like they had no kids in the first place! Sad but true...

If you don't believe in Fate, now is about the right time to re-consider...and perhaps, believe?

Yup, you may try your very best to bring up your kid(s) to the best of your ability & within your capability but do they know so? To them, what you have done is nothing more than your responsibility as a parent! Nothing more...maybe even less? That maybe you were expected to do even more than what you had done? Even if you had walked that extra mile for them? Doing what you really could not do at that time, considering the circumstances...but still did, in spite of the odds against you. Going beyond your means to do so cos you felt that nothing matters more than your kid's future & happiness?

Another case I can relate as an example here is about a family who had 6 kids. The parents brought them up the best they could. During hard times, they even pawned whatever jewelry they had so that one son could be successful in his chosen career. Now all the kids are succesful in their own ways & have their own families.
The mother had passed away...unexpectedly & earlier than should have been. The father is now living alone...left alone to fend for himself practically most of the time...in spite of his disabilities. One can consider him lucky...to a certain extent. Lucky for him cos he still had 2 kids who drop by & do what they can for him when they can. He had even passed whole days without food...when none could find the time to drop by! Miraculously, he had survived this far!

Now, do you think he deserves the life he's having now? Where is all of the "filial" love he should be getting? That of 6 kids! How could so many of his kids push aside all thoughts of their still having a surviving father...and live their daily lives as fathers of their own kids? Makes you wonder, right? And, it's a wonder, even a miracle, that this father's still alive...

One sometimes wonder if living a longer life, in his case, under such circumstances is a blessing or a punishment...

How about putting yourself in his position. How would you feel? Happy? Contented? Proud to have brought up all those kids and proud to know that they are now what they are today?

YOU tell me...

Well, if you were to put yourself now as the child of your parents, what would be your thoughts...your inner thoughts? Were your parents just carrying out their responsibilities? That whatever they did they had to do...with no other choices? Couldn't they have done less and still be responsible parents? Or were they walking that extra mile...doing what is beyond the call of duty, so to say? If you know what I mean...

Each time you were down...each time you "fell" in your growing up years, who was there for you? Who made sure you were ok...that you could continue with your life? That you were none the worse...and patiently watched over you till you could stand on your own two feet? And be a man (or lady) ...till you become someone that all around you would respect? Do you not ever feel for a moment what or how that someone really means to you? That, if not for that person, you would not have the chance to be what you are today?

Who was the one who made sure that solutions were found for whatever financial problems you had...at least to tide you over till you could support yourself...and maybe even your new family? In spite of that person not truly having any financial surplus to spare but going into more debt just to help you out? Do you ever realise that? Or maybe you even thought your parents were that loaded & could spare the $$$? Did you really think that? Can you be that blind? Of course, there are parents who can really afford...

Frankly, one can find real answers to all that if one truly & sincerely look into oneself. Search one's heart & soul. Then maybe...just maybe...one can truly understand the sacrifices that a loving parent has made so that he can feel happy just to see his kid(s) happy...

Now, with all those thoughts and maybe you are even now a parent yourself, how do you feel about the "filial" love your own kids would have for you when they grow up? If you yourself do NOT have that "filial" love for your own parents, can you expect your own kids to have a similar "filial" love for you? Do you, for one instant, even feel sure that your kids would show the love you expect them to show for you when you yourself did not have that love for your own parents who even went out of their way to make sure you are what you are today?

If you do, me kinda feel that you are on Fantasy Island...or in a world of your very own...

As I've frequently repeated, Life is a Cycle...a rollercoaster ride. One may be going up now but there will soon be a downward ride. Who knows...that downward ride may be longer than you'd expected! One may recover or ....Only God knows what's along the way, what's in store at that time and how & when the ride would end. Amen.

ps. One good piece of advice ie if only you can follow it...NEVER grow OLD!! Because if you do grow old, you will have to travel the same hard road...just like every other parent! And then, may you be blessed with the kind of kid(s) that you had hoped for or thought you had...