Abuse...physical or otherwise

Mon 27th Oct 2008

Today is a good day. A day of celebration. Celebrating what is known as the "Festival of Lights". Deepavali or Diwali. Hindus celebrate the triumph of good over evil. Attainment of knowledge over ignorance.

Now what is good & what is evil?

In our daily lives... & more specifically for discussion in this entry..., we can label "Love" as good...and "Abuse" as evil.

Abuse can manifest itself in many forms. What most of us witness are of either the physical or the emotional kind.

As an example, in your courting days, yr BF or boyfriend (for ladies) leaves you stranded to find your own way home after a quarrel. That is a "veiled" form of abuse. An emotional threat...equivalent to saying, "If you do that again, you will be on your own...no help from me!" Total abandonment! Now, would you say that is Love or Abuse?

If you really do love that person, would you ever leave that person (whom you are supposed to care for & protect - when you do marry her) alone...to fend for herself? Can you ever forgive yourself if anything were to happen to her after you'd left her there alone...to find her own way back? If so, then what the hell are you here for? Does she need you anymore if she has to fend for herself in such times of crisis? Wouldn't she be safer & happier without 1 less threat to her well-being & safety? Namely without YOU? And your threats? YOU are supposed to protect her from threats & harm...not do so yourself! For God's sakes!!

Let's say you are somehow lucky & managed to close your eyes and pass that danger sign. Now, what is a marriage? Why do 2 ppl get hitched...legally? A mere formality? To prove to society at large that they can find someone who would marry them? Or do they really find in each other what they need to live their lives ahead, caring for & loving each other "for better or for worse till death do us part..."? Or is he/she just another trophy in your mind? A good catch? YOU tell me...

To many young couples, what comes after marriage is like pure bliss. Like nothing can ever go wrong. Like no quarrels. Like courting times are forever...even after marriage. Let me tell you...that is only in "fairy tales". In dreams. Wake up, ppl!! Believe me, marriage is NO bed of roses! (Note : Me should know better...after 40 years of marriage! ) No fairy tale nor romantic novel ever tells you what comes after...they all just end with "...and they lived happily ever after!" Do they? Really?

Now...This is Reality...

A couple is really 2 different individuals of different character...with lots of differing ideas, likes & dislikes. With short courting periods, couples do not really get to know the other well. Both are usually on their best behaviour...the best actor they could be. Pleasing the other as much as possible. Rocking the boat might mean losing the "game"...a slap in one's face. A lost pride.

After marriage...as the mist drifts away...that is when the true self is slowly exposed. Now only does the true compatibility comes into play. Can you truly & fully accept the other for what he/she really is? At least come to grips with the life ahead for what it really is? When whoever who was acting finally stopped acting...?

A common advice given during quarrels or misunderstandings between marriage partners, is that both should open all channels of communications. Both must talk things over. Both must see the light...the root cause of the quarrel / misunderstanding. Where apologies are in order, they should be made. No such thing as losing face. Don't ever blindly follow one quote in one romantic movie...that "Love means not having to say sorry..." That only applies in the right context...at the right time & at the right place for the right reason.

A good advice is that all issues should be threshed out & resolved before one goes to bed for that night. If that is somehow not possible, it should be settled...cleared ASAP!! Not pushed under the carpet...cos one fine day, all that under the carpet is gonna blow up!

In any marriage, no one should use his/her knowledge of the other's weaknesses to his/her advantage to secure submission to one's will. For example, a husband should not ever use his wife's love & attachment to her child to force her into submission...to abide by his will...a threat even!! That is cowardice of the worst kind in any one's eyes. Instead he should be proud to have that mother of his child as his loving wife. Not an easy find in this modern world. Just look at the number of women abandoning their kids these days...many wives would even give up their kids for a better life ahead should their husbands fail to care & love them as promised.

One last but very important point...Never ever use physical force to settle any marriage issues. God made Man muscular & stronger than the Woman for 1 main reason...to protect the weaker sex...the Woman. Not to hurt her. Not to put her in harm's way. To be there for her. To protect her. I believe most societies look down on any man who uses his masculinity to do harm to the woman whom he has promised to "love & cherish..."

Note : One sees a lot of "slapping" around in Taiwanese serials & movies. Everyone seems to be slapping everyone. Sincerely hope it is not the true culture in Taiwan as portrayed. Sheesh...

Such exhibition of male physical force & dominance might be understandable in ancient times. At that time, maybe the husband is the BIG head in the family...the sole breadwinner. The lord of the house. In barbaric times. But not anymore. Not now in this 21st century. Esp so when both partners are working & providing for the needs of the family. Sometimes even with one providing more than the other so that the family's needs can be met. Acknowledging the roles each play in your life together would go a long way to provide understanding & stability in the union as husband & wife.

Marriage is now a partnership. And for marriage to work, both must respect each other. An understanding of one's responsibilities. That one's actions now can seriously affect the other & with a kid or kids, what one does can make or break a family. One needs to think of the other in all one does. No more just about oneself...but for family. Sacrifices...compromises & more have to be considered when the need arises. For only with mutual respect & understanding, can one build up a lasting working relationship in the life partnership...in any marriage.

If you disagree in any way, I would like to know your views. After all, what I've tried to discuss here is for the good of any couple who needs help. Thanks for reading this far.

As ppl used to say...in the Net...Just my 2 sen...hehe...

ps. Let's all work towards a brighter future ahead...a happy one where good triumphs over evil and knowledge makes all of us better husbands & wives.
Happy Diwali to all our Hindu friends!! Happy hols to one & all...

Genuine or not?

Fri 241008

Yup, a totally different issue today...Genuine or not?

As you already know, whenever we buy something for our PCs, we wonder if we are paying for something original & genuine...esp if we are paying the price asked for it. And, with the rampant counterfeiting of so many consummables in the market, there always is the likelihood ( probably a very high probability) of an immitation item being dumped on trusting & unsuspecting customers, right?

Now, how can we protect ourselves? Or at least know that we are getting genuine items?

Most reputable manufacturers have gone to a great extent to protect their valuable & highly respected brand names. Now do let me bring up an issue that is closest to me just yesterday...that of genuine ink cartridges for our printers.

My Canon Pixma iP3300 has been running low on its Black ink cart for the past week or so...with the colour carts being proportionately affected. Then the day before yesterday, the Black ink cart gave up on me! Phew! Time to get new replacement carts. This would be my second set of carts since I bought the printer.

Canon had implemented a specially-created hologram sticker as a means of identification of its genuine products. This hologram, when viewed with a special "Handy Viewer" that has 2 transparent windows, would give different results when viewed through each window ie through one you can see the whole hologram but when viewed through the 2nd one, the hologram would be completely dark/black!

The "Handy Viewer"...

Do have a look in here for the "Handy Viewer" checking procedures :

http://www.canon.com.my/canon_new/notices/genuine.php

Btw, I was lucky enough to be able to obtain one of those "Handy Viewers"...as such viewers were supposedly only issued to dealers to prove to customers that the carts that they were selling, were genuine items.

Now, the past replacement carts I'd bought fulfilled & passed that test with flying colours. However, this time around, I noticed that the hologram stickers found on this new set looked kinda different. On testing with the "Handy Viewer", the hologram now appeared to be made up of 3 bands...the uppermost & bottomost bands were dark when viewed throught the "dark" window but the middle part was clear with the "Canon" name clearly visible!

This is the hologram sticker on my new Black ink cart. You can clearly make out the 3 bands on the face of the hologram.

I checked the info on the official Malaysian Canon website & there was no change to its method of identifying its genuine ink carts. Neither was there any updates nor any variations of its identification strategy inserted.

Now...are the ink carts that I'd bought GENUINE? Or are they counterfeits?

I called Canon Malaysia HQ in Klang Valley & talked to their Cust Care personnel. I was referred to their website...actually even to the wrong page, displaying the wrong information and not the info that I had asked for...haha! When so informed, I was told that she would call me back after making enquiries from relevant more knowledgeable personnel eg marketing or technical dept ppl. Later in the day, I got 2 calls in sequence.

To cut a long story short, I was finally told that they could not confirm nor deny that the ink carts I'd bought were genuine or otherwise...unless they could view the items personally!! Reason? Canon consummables are manufactured in different countries & there might possibly be different variations of the hologram. Hey! They are in Shah Alam, Selangor...and I'm in Alor Star...way way up North!!!

Maybe if they gave me free return air tickets c/w hotel stay? Meals, too? And then maybe, just maybe...I would consider...consider the idea of bringing the ink carts to them to view personally?

Now, how many variations can there be? Are there so many variations that they could not determine if the hologram pasted on my ink carts is one of those variations? Why can't Canon Malaysia post those variations in their webpages for customers info. Frankly, me just cannot understand all the excuses put up...

Can you?

Customers/users should have a simple way of determining if the Canon product that they have purchased is genuine or not...without having to run to show the said item to their "qualified" personnel to get confirmation! What chaos would ensue if each time we buy a Canon product & we have to do so?
Btw, the nearest Canon branch office to me is in Penang...don't tell me I've to bring my carts all the way (200+km to & fro & pay toll & bridge charges, not forgetting petrol used, time spent, inconveniences, etc...) just to get confirmation if they are genuine? Calculating all those costs put together, it would be a better & more intelligent one to just add a little bit more TO BUY A NEW SET of those ink carts!!

What say you?

ps. I'm sending the part of the box of the Black ink cart ( I had to open that one & use it...) with the hologram to Canon HQ for their "investigations" & hopefully some positive reaction soon...

63 or izzit 36?

Mon 20th Oct 2008

The day after...yup, the day after me turned 63 or izzit 36? I'd prefer 36, of course! But again, there's no escaping the fact me am now really really 63...

Unexpectedly, a number of events happened this time around...both happy & unhappy ones. However, me would prefer to remember the happy ones, wouldn't you? Me feel so, too! Sweet memories are for keeps...we clear our "RAM" & push those unhappy ones way deep into the archives in "ROM"...hopefully never to have to retrieve them ever!

Now for the happy ones. And...wouldn't you agree that this is a happy face?

The face of innocence. A face with a carefree & happy mind...unhurt & unblemished by this relentlessly "cruel" world we live in today.
Like in one comment me read somewhere...

"if only adults could see things through a child's eyes..."

Our world then would be a much much happier place to live in. And, of course, we would see more such "KL smiles"...a luxury on adult faces these days. Sad but true...

And yup, you guessed it! KL & fmly were down here...or should I say, up here...for her grandpa's bday. And yup, KL brought along, in her pretty self, the uncluttered, uncorrupted & genuine happiness of a happy kid! And yup again, the kind of sweet happiness this ole man has been starved of in his golden years. And her wholesome laughter rang on & on throughout her unfortunately short stay. The best medicine for this ole man's aching heart. Thank God for that.

Well, this ole man's wish for this bday is simple. Peace & Happiness. My other half added...Good Health. Now what would you wish for on your coming bday?

Like hinted earlier, that simple wish was not mine to be blessed with...not on these first few days of my new "bonus" year. Sorry...as also mentioned, such matters are to be pushed way back deep into our archives.

So, thanks to KL, my saviour...for the happy moments. The best present I got. I enjoyed my moments with KL.

Btw, me oledi updated a few pics in "The Many Faces of KL in 2008". Another step in KL's life journey. And hopefully, towards a happy life ahead...free from all the uncaring & hurtful ppl around. May God bless her & keep her safe...always. Amen.

Do have a piece of my bday cake...

Phew... Look at the number of candles...that many? No joke, man!

That's it! Yup, sorry again. Cos this time around there were more UNhappy events than happy ones. Not a good start but accept we all have to. Agreed?

On the melamine food scare, according to The Star today, a well-known brand, "Munchy's", was found by Hong Kong to have excessive levels of melamine in its products. However, the manufacturer has denied that.
Now isn't that confusing? What is the real true situation? What are consumers expected to do? Who are we to believe? YOU tell me...what you believe.

The worst scenario is not to trust any manufactured product. Eat only our own home produced products. Now, how do we do that? Even to make our own biscuits, bread or cookies, we still need certain ingredients which we cannot get from our homes. So....?

If only business ppl are more concerned about the safety of their products rather than just their profits...

Until next time around, be safe. Watch what you eat. Ok?

Have a great new week...

A truly good "Kay Pa"...

Fri Oct 17th, 2008

Yup, today is official Pension payout day! Yup, 4 days earlier than other normal months. And yup, our "Kay Pa" has never failed us each & every month when the 21st of the month comes along...even earlier should there be a need eg festive months like CNY, Hari Raya Aidil Fitri or like now, Deepavali. It gives all pensioners like me great confidence to move forward through our golden years.

Financial stability gives one that wonderful stress-free feeling of independence... with full confidence of one's financial capability! Knowing what one has in one's coffers is a very re-assuring fact. Never forget that ole ppl still have commitments & payments to be made eg utility payments like for electricity & water, not forgetting the daily food on the table nor the "No petrol how to move" thingey...

To those of you who have to depend on your kids to provide for your daily needs, it is sincerely hoped that they would try to be as prompt & punctual and most importantly, that you are still alive and a human being, too...as our "Kay Pa" does (even though he does not even know who we are!). A fixed day each month that your ole man could look forward to with full confidence and not be left wondering if the $$ he needs to go on living will ever come...

In this aspect, if me not mistaken, there are banks (or maybe most banks...) who offer standing order services whereby a fixed sum could be transferred into another's account (eg. your pa's/ma's account) on a fixed date each & every month. Or am I wrong? Of course, a nominal service charge is imposed on such services...but what is that small sum compared to the peace of mind that it gives you & esp so to the one who depends on your remembering to do so? A token that you still care...even if that little bit? Agreed?

So, is it so hard to make that standing order? Esp so, when online banking is now right at your fingertips? Just a few clicks & it's done! Result? Months & months... even years of bliss & happiness for your ole folks...if they have a place in your heart & your thoughts, of course...

I have been witness to families where the parents were so dependent upon their kids to provide for them but, although there were many, each one practises so-called "tai chi" so well that the poor ole guy waits in vain! This brings to mind the age-old saying, namely that of "a parent can take care of all his kids but all his kids cannot even look after one of them..." Sad...but true.

There are also those parents who feel that they would be happy when they grow old as long as their kids do not have to "put out" their hands towards them for "support". However, there are also those who feel even so much more happier so long as they, themselves, do not have to "put out" their hands towards their kids for "support".

All said...Thank God we have our "Kay Pa"...

Well, another weekend would be upon us. And that means another 7 bonus days would be passing us by. Thank God for that...and we pray for many more...esp happy ones.

This weekend would see the 2nd last leg of the F1 GP for 2008. This time around it is in Shanghai, China. With my new subs to Astro Sports package, me have no worries now. Except, of course, should the weather be threatening. And the "Services are currently not available" msg comes on our TV screen! Otherwise, "see" you all there this coming Sunday...around 4.45pm? Let's see if Hamilton's luck stays on...holds or gives up on him like in Japan last weekend.

Also this weekend would mean another weekend with our fav grandaughter, KL. If all goes well, KL & fmly would be in Lot 10 on Sat afternoon. Me would be able to snap a few more pics to update the slide show of her in this Blog. Look out for them, ok?

Oh yes...me have been busy making our very own soya bean milk. Yup, I decided to bring out & clean up our ole soya bean milk making machine. It's been quite some time since I last used it. With all the contaminants, esp that of melamine, surfacing in recent times, it is felt that homemade drinks would be good for Lot 10 inmates. Btw me made a minor change to the way how the ingredients are added. Normally the pandan leaves to improve the aroma are added to the milk before it is boiled. This time around me cut up the leaves into little pieces and added them to the beans to be blended. Hence the result is a pale green soya bean milk with great aroma!! Let's go GREEN...

Well, me gonna go enjoy my fresh "green" soya bean milk. Want a cup?

The Winds of Change...

Mon 13th Oct 2008

Yup, you guessed correctly! And yup again, this is gonna be another philosophical ranting from little ole me...haha! So, if you're not in the mood, do pray go somewhere else lo. To those who proceed reading this entry, my sincere apologies for any repeats. Unintentional...just the "AD factor" in this ole man...

Ever since my retirement, I've had so much more time on my hands to reflect on happenings & changes to & in my life...my hopes, my dreams and whatnots.

I always had that feeling inside myself that what I've tried to do ( many of which are not the norm of things a father/parent is supposedly responsible & required to do ) would result in a family that's so much closer-knit and so much more caring of one another than what I've seen around me at that time.

But, alas, as time passed, one by one...my hopes, my dreams, my expectations... have been periodically, step by step, dashed! All that, which had happened so far in my life, have proven that all my rebellous efforts against the established norms of behaviour, have been in vain. Can't say here that I was not forewarned. I was. I just believed more in myself...my strong faith in my family.

Now, at this point in time, nothing is better nor improved...compared with families who stuck by the time-tested parental behaviour & decisions. In fact, one can even say that my life is worse...worse than if I had been like other parents. Those whom I know...those who stuck to their minimum responsibilities as parents, have appeared to come out better & with a seemingly happier life now. Trying to be different, apparently, does not pay!

Who am I to be different? Who am I to prove others wrong? Who am I to change what Life is? Who am I to expect anything more or different?

The answer? A stupid idealistic ole fool!! One who doesn't know his place in this world...a dreamer.

At such times, words like "Don't expect anything!"; "Water in a river never flows upstream..." ; "That's life..."; keep on re-cycling in my mind.

Don't expect anything? I believe...With hopes & expectations alive in one's heart, one can then only have something to live for...wishing maybe nothing more than just a happy & comfortable ending to one's journey through life? With one's family members sharing one's life? Esp after one had carried out one's responsibilities as a parent to one's best capabilities, even against all odds, and brought one's family to a successful conclusion? Is that kind of expectation wrong? To be faced with the lowest of all humiliation & disrespect at this time of one's life is to be expected? And not the reverse? YOU tell me.

Yup, water in a river never flows upstream...agreed! But when a stream has been nurtured to develop into a great river, aren't those close to it to inadvertently or indirectly receive some heart-warming benefits, however small, in the process? Could be just the pride & joy of being next to a great river? Not just incessant floods & uncontrolled damage to all around it?

That's life? All this while, I had felt & believed that life is what one makes of it. The results of one's hard labour? The fruits to be enjoyed at the end of the day? Nope. It doesn't appear to be that to me anymore. The trees that we've cultivated with such tender loving care, but which we had to leave to fend for themselves at maturity, would be exposed to all the elements of the world. And, if unlucky, they would be attacked & probably overwhelmed by those evil elements so powerful as to undo all the good that we had previously showered upon them. Consequently, these trees might be stricken with some incurable disease that would be so devastatingly harmful to all around them...maybe even fatal....if one does not dissociated them from our ever so vulnerable selfs. One would ultimately have to leave them or forever be doomed in the process! Like a stab in the back? In my case, it was like murder in broad daylight? Like a saying goes...one has to cut off a gangrenous limb before the poison spreads and kills the whole body!

If the above are what Life truly is, then what can one to do?

From what I've been fortunate to witness - and now learning...the hard way, one has only but one choice. Acceptance is the key. Be happy with what one has left. We started life's journey with only our life partner...only the 2 of us. Now, we are back to only the 2 of us (finally only 1 would be left)...whether we like it or not. Every new day is a bonus from God. Each new day is to be treasured because it could be our last. Anything else good that comes our way, is also a bonus, with God's blessing. No expectations now but only that of Peace, Happiness & Good Health. And, of course, a pleasant trip when leaving this world...when the time comes...

PEACE.

And may God bless you, too...enjoy your Bonus Day #1 for this new week!!

ps. Cine Nite on Sunday was "Get Smart", the movie. Enjoyable. The ole Get Smart hilarious blunders. Even "The Rock" was there, in a supportive role. Try it...if you like action comedies.

Update - more pics on Flood

Sat 11 Oct 08

Just to share a few pics (taken by my other half) of the flash flood on Thurs 091008...

These were taken of the road to the right of our house...as viewed from our "balcony".

And this is a pic of the vans that were stranded outside our place. One van had to be "push-started" a number of times later before it could continue on its journey!

This pic was taken some time later after the height of the flash flood. That's why you see part of the road is not flooded anymore.

In the background are the new houses springing up...the new Taman Berjaya 2. That area was previously vacant padi land.

Well, today is COD...gonna go take breakfast now. Me will be out & around today...as always on COD. Ha ha! Probably a visit to our fav Tesco Mergong before lunch.

And yup, today is Bonus Day #6...Enjoy the moment!

Oh no! Flood again!

Fri 101008

Yup, another weekend is here! Bonus Day #5 today. It's a good feeling, right?

Anyway, it's not so good, actually. Why? Cos yesterday, Thur 091008, brought back not-so-nice memories of last year. Yup, floods!!

It's getting worse though. The last time when the water level rose after rain, it was only after about an hour of continuous heavy rain. But this time around, the water level rose so fast that it was up & came into our house compound/car porch till our main door in less than 30 mins!! It was at least 3 in. at our autogate!

Have a look...pics me took of the porch area - our car on the left...

Can you see the river (sea??) of water outside the autogate? In fact 2 vans were even stranded outside during the event!

This is the price of development! Since we moved into our house in 1979, no matter how heavy or how long it rained, the water level in the drain outside our house never ever reached the top of the drain. We could sleep in peace even during nights of heavy thunderstorms. But since last year, each time it rained, the residents in this part of our housing area fear that flood waters would invade our homes...and it has...for a number of times already!

I had even made a verbal complaint to MPKS, the local body i/c of the city's upkeep & maintenance. However, nothing came out of it. Luckily someone else with some "clout" did and an outlet drain to the main road was made. That only helped the situation temporarily. Now, with further development & esp with a new housing area coming up opposite our houses, the situation appears to have worsened. I'm hoping the same "powderful" guy would be able to do something about it....soon!

Well, another F1 GP race is on this Sunday. In Japan. In the early afternoon. If nothing interferes, me would be enjoying my 2nd F1GP race via my new Astro Sports package! No more worrying about whether I could get a clear streaming feed via my broadband line through my PC. Hooray!! No more blurry images. No more eye strain. Unless, of course, the skies are unkind and satellite signals are disrupted then. Hope not lo...

And, of course, tomorrow, a Saturday, marks the arrival of another COD! Remember? Chef's Off Day...hehe...and, yup, Cine Nite, too! Ha ha! Wonder what movie the "boss" would wanna watch then. Not matter really...cos whatever it is, life's good. Esp so on COD & CON. ( CON = Chef's Off Nite )

Have a great weekend yourself, ok?

Bonus Day #3

Wed 081008

Today is Bonus Day #3 for this new week. Thank God for these bonuses...hopefully many many more to come...

Remember me made some changes to the decor in our lounge area way back on 15th August? (Pls chk out Blog entry dated 16th Aug for details)

Well, the item at the right-hand side of the then new replacement "consoles" kinda look out-of-place, doesn't it? The 3-tier shelf corner unit. Yup, kinda not fit in...in terms of colour, design, etc.

When that became obvious, the "cannot-sit-still" & "itchy-hand" me decided to do something about it...even at that point in time. Actually we went back to look for a suitable replacement. Found one...or rather 2 separate units. However, there was no stock of 1 of the units. So, idea was KIV then.

Yesterday, during our walk-walk session at AS Mall, my luck was in! Saw BOTH units were available in their Home Mart section. So, without much hesitation, the units were purchased, brought home & assembled. Here they are...in place now!
Doesn't the arrangement now look better? Even good? Haha...

As mentioned earlier, they are actually 2 separate units. A drawer with shelf unit (RM 23.90) and a 2-shelf unit (RM 18.90).

On trying the 2 possible arrangements, it kinda looked better with the drawer unit below the shelf unit. What do you think?

The different modules now seem to "flow" & appear to be one complete set. Don't you think so?

All that would contribute to making our time spent in our lounge area a more cosy & pleasant experience...pleasing to the eyes, too! And mind you, we do spend a lot of time there...hehe....

One more for the road before I end this post...

A topic was opened for comments over the radio this morning...over Light FM. Listeners were asked to call in with their views about being grandparents taking care of grandchildren...about grown-up kids "dumping" their own kids at their parents while they go to work.

As always, there are differing views. One pro one talked about how he, as a grandfather, could pass on the values & teachings to his grandkids & being happy to spend time with them. However, he also did mention about how tiring it can be to keep up with the young ones.

There is, of course, the opposing camp...that the grown-up kids, now being parents, should be responsible for bringing up their own kids and not dump their responsibilities on their parents who rightfully deserve a rest now...

In this issue, I feel that decisions for either way depends a lot on the relationship between the young family & the old.

But then, there are those parents who kinda have that inert fear that if they don't help to look after the grandkid(s), their own kids would not come visit or look after them when they grow old...
That, I might add, is an unfounded fear. Whether your kids do visit or care for you in any way, is not guaranteed by your taking care of their kids! I've personally witnessed many such families who had no love lost between them in spite of the grandparents having looked after the grandkids for years!! Reciprocal action? Don't bank on it...I wouldn't! What our kids feel that they should do, has to come from their hearts...not based on what they supposedly owe us. One fine day, your kid would turn around & say, "You owe me more... ". Then, you'd be more than shocked! Sincerely hope you have a really strong ole heart then...Ha ha!

A point to note...and, yup, in most instances, one finds that it works much better in cases where the grandkids are those of the daughters rather than of the sons...if you get what I'm trying to say. In short, that is mainly because the daughter-in-law is less acceptable (more suspicious, maybe?) to the methods, care & the idea of her In-Laws bringing up her kids...kinda untrusting nature.

Fyi one such "dil" was asked if she would be able to accept whatever way or actions her In Laws might take while caring for her kids. Her answer was a flat "NO! ". What did you think the In Laws answered in reply to her request for help? Yup, you got it...also a flat "NO! " Ha ha...

In contrast, a daughter is more supportive & trusting of her own parents in bringing up her kids...knowing fully well how her own parents had done so with her...confident that her kids would get the same loving care from her own parents as she had.

Now let's see...your parents take care of your kids. That's good. Picture this then...who is gonna take care of your parents if & when they do fall sick while taking care of your kids? YOU? Sure? If so, then good for them, too. Otherwise, won't you feel sorry for the old folks?

Frankly, one parent did ask that of 1 of his kids. A fair question, right? He waited for his answer. None came. So, with sincere apologies, he had no choice but to turn down the request to look after his grandson. Also fair enough, right?

Don't you think so? Agreed? Maybe a point to ponder?

Does filial love still exist...? (Part II)

Mon 06 Oct 08

Yup, there is more to the "filial" love thing...and since it involves you & me ( and everyone else, right? ), let's dwell a bit more into it, ok?

Well, you might have heard of this evergreen oldie...that ever so difficult-to-answer question. Yup, it's simply this :

If your mother, your wife/husband & you were in a boat out where no other help is available. And the boat capsized...sunk maybe. Now, who would you save?

Note : You have only the capability to save ONLY ONE of them!!

Frankly, me had posed that question to both my kids at 1 point in time but they could ( maybe dared not ) answer...? Maybe too young to make a firm decision? No wife/husband yet? Can't help wondering what their answer would be now...? Not that it really matters to us now...we are both lots wiser now...hehe....

Anyway, that question had been "teasingly" brought up a couple of times during my working days...and a common response would be "I would try to save both!". And that in spite of that one special condition stated. And with the completely understandable reason that both are important ppl to oneself.

However, there are also answers that were voiced by more outspoken ppl, namely : ( Pls substitute husband for wife where applicable. )

1. I would save my mother. Because I can have only ONE mother - the one who gave birth ( & life) to me...whereas I can always remarry & have another wife!! A wife is just someone we married...can be separated or even divorced for tons of reasons! A mother is like forever...

2. I would save my wife. Reason? I am going to spend the rest of my life with my wife! (Note: Are you so sure of that?) My mother is old & may die at any time. It's my future life that I have to think about...

Any other reasons for whichever answer you might choose?

Of course, the best is to still save both...your mother cos she's your only true mother & your wife cos she's the one you have chosen to marry...both being important ppl in yr life!

The nagging question & difficult thought to wrestle with is who is MORE important to you? Who do you love more? Now, a sincere answer would indeed be very revealing...

Over to you now...

One other thing before we close this entry....

I assume you have been to at least a few wakes of your relatives or friends, right? Ok...how is the atmosphere at those wakes? Solemn? Sad? Maybe even depressing?

No? No? Really none of those? Yup, agreed! Personally, I've been to quite a number of wakes in my life. In my younger days, family members of the departed were sad...some even visibly crying...shedding genuine tears of sorrow of losing a loved one.

I remember going to visit a Malay family in Pahang (when I was working there in my younger days) ...the son of which was my lab attendant. He passed away due to chronic kidney failure. The atmosphere was truly solemn...one can feel the sadness..the loss of someone so loved...in the air. To muslims, a person dying is like he has gone to meet his God and everyone should be happy for him. But I did not see anyone happy...even the menfolk could be seen struggling to hold back their tears of sorrow. I felt it, too.

However, most wakes these days are like "re-unions"...getogethers. Lots of "long time no see" being thrown around. I have yet to see anyone really crying...even outwardly sad. Except for the coffin & the new but temporary interior decor, the place does not "sound" like or appear to be a place of mourning...that someone lost some loved one. Siblings, family members appear relieved, happy even, that a huge burden has been lifted off their shoulders...that they now really have their own lives to live...their lives kinda better. Improved even. Esp so if the departed is an old family member...like parents. Even an excuse for celebration should the departed be really really OLD...Phew!

Filial love? Does it still exist? Nope. At that point in time, it does not seem to exist anymore. Sad but true. Hurting to realise? The truth hurts...like it always does. Don't even think about it. When the time comes, you'll be at peace. Be happy to go. Just go...

No matter what or how you may feel...that's life as it is today. Like it or not. Kinda like a Hobson's Choice...if you know what that means.

I hear ppl around me telling ppl around them what they would like to have done when their time to go comes. Frankly, when that time comes, it's not for one to choose...we won't be around anymore...we cannot say what we want anymore. It's up to the living to do what they wanna do. What is more important is what happens when we are still alive & around...Correct me if I'm wrong.

Acceptance appears to be the only & the best solution. Anything else is at your own peril! No one is gonna shed a tear if you think or feel otherwise. Whatever little love that ever existed would be turned into hatred...believe me!

So do be happy & enjoy the moment...whatever will be, will be. I'm still trying...haha!

Have a great new week ahead! Another 7-day bonus of life...if you get past it...

ps. If you see any future entries in here, it can only mean that me got my 7-day bonus liao! And you did, too! Haha!

Messing around in the kitchen...

Sun 051008

It's that day again...Sunday. One more week has passed me by...

Yesterday was the usual COD...yup, our weekly "Chef's Off Day". A day when the Chef is the "boss" & me the "Ahmad" aka the chauffeur! After having "served" me great meals for the week, me felt it was only fair that each Saturday be her own special day, namely codenamed "COD"...

Breakfast was our fav "cheap BF" followed by time spent a-walking @Giant hyperstore along Jalan Langgar. Lunch was @Jin Ho coffeeshop in town with my fav fried KT & my other half's "pork leg rice". A short siesta came soon after we reached home. Dinner was @Timuran for her fav "Sar Hor Fun" & my "Yee Mee" with egg...haha!

Cine Nite was the latest Indiana Jones movie...The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. On our "big" screen in the lounge area. Not a bad show...although, at 1 point, me thought it was gonna be a 2-man movie...

Waited for the TV3 "Nightline" news before me called it a day. The news didn't bring much comfort for sleep because one of the main items was that Malaysia would be now on high alert due to Korea finding Melamine in fruits & vege from China! Phew...what is going on? It was the Melamine scare in milk & dairy products just a short while ago...and now even in fruits & vege? C'mon, China....this is certainly not the way to go!

Let's all hope & pray that our Msian authorities do take all necessary action to protect all Msians from undue harm & suffering...a great test of their integrity during such times! IMHO, it's best to avoid all foods from China until all this mess is cleared up...

Frankly, it is so difficult to really know, even now, what dairy products are really safe to be consumed. Most of the proclaimed "melamine-free" products are declared safe merely by virtue of declarations by the producers & manufacturers only but very few have been truly tested to be so by the health authorities! Now, there's that little nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps on asking a simple question...if you know what I mean....hehe....

Anyway, to keep myself from being totally bored this Sunday, me decided to Google for what used to be one of my favourites...Ban Chean Kuih...a Chinese style pancake. Haven't been able to see anyone selling it along the routes I usually take whenever I do go out. Any recommendations?

Fyi, my Google search came up with a few recipes. Found a simple & fairly easy one to follow, with ingredients easily obtainable. Only 1 item was not in stock in the Chef's kitchen....groundnuts/peanuts. Made a quick trip to the nearest sundry shop & back again with 600gm of raw peanuts.

Microwaved the peanuts nice & crunchy, skinned them & it was ready to be used with the other available ingredients.

Not wanna bore you with how this ole guy became a "Chef" within the span of less than an hour tho. Here are a few pics, in sequence, of my very own "Ban Chean Kuih" ...

The good news...They look nice, don't they? Cute small ones...hehe...

Now, the not-so-good news...they don't taste like what is sold outside!! Edible tho...not too bad, really! With enough sugar & pounded peanut fillings...

Feel they would be much better if the batter is made to rise more. Me had to use stock of bicarb of soda which is kinda old...maybe the reason? Or maybe those other recipes using "alkali water" or yeast would be better?

So sorry but the newly self-appointed "Chef" has gone on long leave. Will see about that when he's back lo...a miraculous comeback maybe....in the near distant future? Moreover, it's NOT often that the real Chef allows anyone to mess about in her kitchen! Hehe...

Well, almost time for the 2 Lot 10 OFH inmates to watch a couple of regular programs on the "idiot box". Have to go...

Next week might bring some " ?expected? " excitement on the political scene. Or maybe even some disappointments? Let's wait & see, ok? Keep yr eyes & ears well-peeled. Bye...

Does filial love still exist...?

Fri Oct 3rd, 2008

These few days have been void of anything interesting for me to make any posts. To me (and at this age), routine is good. No excitement & therefore no stress, too! Agreed?

So, to kinda keep this Blog from "...gathering any moss", me decided to open a topic for one & all to ponder. Life, as it was during our parents' time, has changed. Drastically, if I may say so. With the rat race & struggle for materialistic gains, many noble & virtuous elements in our lives have been pushed aside ,if not totally annihilated, in many of us.

One of those is the love that binds a family together. Yup, me talking about "filial" love. In Chambers, the adjective "filial" is defined as "pertaining to or becoming a son or daughter; bearing the relation of a child." Simply put, filial love means the love of a son or daughter for his/her parents.

Is filial love inborn? Nurtured? Compelled? What do you think?

Me? At this point in my life, I kinda get the picture that love, no matter from whom or for whom, has to come from within oneself. No amount of care, devotion nor love showered upon one's kids can make one feel confident of what is to come or to be in later times. You might have spent 30 or more years bringing up yr kid but once he's out of the "nest" and "exposed", there's no telling what kind of person he would become. The few years in the hands of very capable ppl can do wonders to bring down everything you had inculcated in your kid during all those difficult years...you'd be mighty surprised, even shocked at the "damage" these ppl could do!!

Look around you...keep your eyes & ears open...you will see what I've seen...and am still seeing...
On one extreme side of the scale, we have very outspoken parents who will tell their children out front. I've personally witnessed a mother telling her kids, "When mummy grows old, you'd better take good care of mummy!" Or another one asking, " Can you take care of mummy the same way mummy is now taking care of granny? " Now, when the time comes, do you think that kid would do what the mummy had asked? Or that the kid could look after her mummy the same way that her mummy took care of her own mother? Can anyone, for that matter, ever be sure of what the future holds for him/her?

Then...there's the other extreme. This group of parents would do their best for their kids and ask for nothing back from their kids...just giving & giving & giving...with the kids just taking & taking & taking! The kids would be enjoying their lives to their fullest while the parents save in every way possible...living on the minimum...so that their kids could have the best of everything. And when their parents have nothing more to give, the old couple (or whoever is left...might be the father or the mother) would be left to fend for themselves...like they had no kids in the first place! Sad but true...

If you don't believe in Fate, now is about the right time to re-consider...and perhaps, believe?

Yup, you may try your very best to bring up your kid(s) to the best of your ability & within your capability but do they know so? To them, what you have done is nothing more than your responsibility as a parent! Nothing more...maybe even less? That maybe you were expected to do even more than what you had done? Even if you had walked that extra mile for them? Doing what you really could not do at that time, considering the circumstances...but still did, in spite of the odds against you. Going beyond your means to do so cos you felt that nothing matters more than your kid's future & happiness?

Another case I can relate as an example here is about a family who had 6 kids. The parents brought them up the best they could. During hard times, they even pawned whatever jewelry they had so that one son could be successful in his chosen career. Now all the kids are succesful in their own ways & have their own families.
The mother had passed away...unexpectedly & earlier than should have been. The father is now living alone...left alone to fend for himself practically most of the time...in spite of his disabilities. One can consider him lucky...to a certain extent. Lucky for him cos he still had 2 kids who drop by & do what they can for him when they can. He had even passed whole days without food...when none could find the time to drop by! Miraculously, he had survived this far!

Now, do you think he deserves the life he's having now? Where is all of the "filial" love he should be getting? That of 6 kids! How could so many of his kids push aside all thoughts of their still having a surviving father...and live their daily lives as fathers of their own kids? Makes you wonder, right? And, it's a wonder, even a miracle, that this father's still alive...

One sometimes wonder if living a longer life, in his case, under such circumstances is a blessing or a punishment...

How about putting yourself in his position. How would you feel? Happy? Contented? Proud to have brought up all those kids and proud to know that they are now what they are today?

YOU tell me...

Well, if you were to put yourself now as the child of your parents, what would be your thoughts...your inner thoughts? Were your parents just carrying out their responsibilities? That whatever they did they had to do...with no other choices? Couldn't they have done less and still be responsible parents? Or were they walking that extra mile...doing what is beyond the call of duty, so to say? If you know what I mean...

Each time you were down...each time you "fell" in your growing up years, who was there for you? Who made sure you were ok...that you could continue with your life? That you were none the worse...and patiently watched over you till you could stand on your own two feet? And be a man (or lady) ...till you become someone that all around you would respect? Do you not ever feel for a moment what or how that someone really means to you? That, if not for that person, you would not have the chance to be what you are today?

Who was the one who made sure that solutions were found for whatever financial problems you had...at least to tide you over till you could support yourself...and maybe even your new family? In spite of that person not truly having any financial surplus to spare but going into more debt just to help you out? Do you ever realise that? Or maybe you even thought your parents were that loaded & could spare the $$$? Did you really think that? Can you be that blind? Of course, there are parents who can really afford...

Frankly, one can find real answers to all that if one truly & sincerely look into oneself. Search one's heart & soul. Then maybe...just maybe...one can truly understand the sacrifices that a loving parent has made so that he can feel happy just to see his kid(s) happy...

Now, with all those thoughts and maybe you are even now a parent yourself, how do you feel about the "filial" love your own kids would have for you when they grow up? If you yourself do NOT have that "filial" love for your own parents, can you expect your own kids to have a similar "filial" love for you? Do you, for one instant, even feel sure that your kids would show the love you expect them to show for you when you yourself did not have that love for your own parents who even went out of their way to make sure you are what you are today?

If you do, me kinda feel that you are on Fantasy Island...or in a world of your very own...

As I've frequently repeated, Life is a Cycle...a rollercoaster ride. One may be going up now but there will soon be a downward ride. Who knows...that downward ride may be longer than you'd expected! One may recover or ....Only God knows what's along the way, what's in store at that time and how & when the ride would end. Amen.

ps. One good piece of advice ie if only you can follow it...NEVER grow OLD!! Because if you do grow old, you will have to travel the same hard road...just like every other parent! And then, may you be blessed with the kind of kid(s) that you had hoped for or thought you had...