Father's Day... through my eyes

Fri 190609

Yup, it's time for the posting I'd promised that I would do...about Father's Day which falls on Sun, 21st June this year.

And, since there have been no comments as per my request, this is my version...through my eyes & my experience as a father for 38 years...

Firstly, IMHO a person is a Father from Day 1 when his first child is born. And he remains & will be a Father every single day of his life! Agreed?
He is NOT a Father only on that 1 day in a year that has been designated (not even officially) as Father's Day! Agreed?

If that's the case, then why is there a Father's Day? As quoted in my previous entry ( from Wikipedia), Father's Day is just a day to complement Mother's Day (to be fair...kinda, right?). A day for those who cannot show their recognition of their father's role in the family and of course, his care & love for them, due to their busy study, work or family schedule, etc, etc.

In my family, I'd told both my children that "your father would do what he can to help you...at any time you need help. But I have only one request. Just don't bite me! "

So, if you're unable to be with your father or to do anything for him but you do respect him as your father & have him in your heart, I feel very sure that he would understand & would know it. Just don't hurt him...not the kind of hurt that would pierce deep into his heart. Not to a father who had cared for, loved you & stood by your side & supported you till you'd succeeded in life...

If one asks around, one would find that Mother's Day is more remembered & celebrated and thus a mother would feel more appreciated & loved than a father. This is especially so for those fathers who spend most of their waking hours to provide for their families. Understandably so. Agreed?

So, having a Father's Day would open a door...a special day that can be planned ahead. Leave can be applied for & taken. Any form of appreciation/celebration can be arranged and so on & so forth.

In spite of that, there will be those who would not even bother to use the opportunity to appreciate the fact that they still have a father. Of course, they will realise often too late...when they themselves become fathers & their families not even give any indication that they are still alive & around! Ha ha! That would definitely be poetic justice. Life's own vicious cycle.

Frankly, one can just show care & love for one's parents on any day...at any time. A phone call, a simple gesture to get your dad's favourite dish, snack or whatever...just the thought & simple action says more than all that one can "burn" for their dad as taoists do after their dad is gone. Are you sure that he'd get those items that you "burn" for him? Nor would he get those special dishes you place at his altar, his grave or his niche in the columbarium?

Wouldn't it so much better & an action bringing forth pure joy & happiness that you would feel to SEE your living dad's face light up with a great happy smile when you, for example, got him his favourite special 3-seeded bread or special sate? Would you get to see & feel so if you had to "burn" them for him after he's left this world?

Out of curiosity, I wonder if they do make paper replicas of such bread or sate? Maybe then those children would feel it's so much cheaper...maybe? Or maybe they might not even "burn" them for you! A waste of good money, they would feel...so sorry for you then...haha!

Btw have you read the story about "The Boy and the Apple Tree"? If not, it would be of great significance if you do. It's a great moral story of what parents are to us. Have a good read when you find that story.

Note : A simple version (w/o illustrations) is available here... http://z11.invisionfree.com/The_Kopitiam/index.php?showtopic=3393&st=0&#last

Anyway, in my life, I've had a very "educational" tour of what Life can be as a parent...as a Father.

My journey through life as a father has been a "rollercoaster ride" ...like yours & everyone else's. That's acceptable cos that''s what Life really is. But what I'd gone through since March 2008, has been a sheer drop from the highest point in my rollercoaster track! Yup, straight down to the very bottom! A tremendous downfall & sheer utter frustration! A son gone bad. In an instant! The shock that I'd received then was beyond belief. It's been 15+ months now. Today, just a couple of days before Father's Day 2009, nothing has changed.

For more details, pls check out my post in March 2008 & a few more after that...including one that I wrote on its anniversary this year...an anniversary that I would want to forget!

And since then, Father's Day has become a day that would fill my mind with bad, bitter memories...of frustration, regrets & the mystery of how a son can turn into someone we do not know anymore...

Thank God that I have more than one child...there is a glimmer of hope...hopefully.

I had always, in all my years, believed that our children, when they finally have families of their own, would exhibit the good caring & loving values we had tried to instill in them when they were under our care & support. But no...I'd been badly disillusioned! For it had been proven ( at least in my family...can't say for others ) that all those efforts would just go down the drain when least expected...for reasons only best known to that son. Maybe it's a case of an over-elevated position in his career that had gone to his head...or having succumbed to his disastrous inability to manage the stress of being so elevated or stress exerted by those around him? A lost soul...?

No matter what triggered his ugly side to assert itself, a 15+ month cooling off period is a period long enough for any sane, respectful person to realise his wrongs. Don't you agree?

Whatever the reasons, only God knows...and of course, the person himself! I've finally decided that it is not worth any more of my Golden Years to waste my energy & whatever time I have left, to understand...not after 15+ months! Life is short and me am not gonna let this selfish, unthinking & disrespectful guy waste mine...period.

People say, " You reap what you sow..." I didn't. Hope he does. Life is a cycle, too. So only time will tell. Wish me luck...

Sincerely hope that you don't ever have to experience what I had to live through...

Happy Father's Day!!