An anniversary that I would wish to forget...

Sun 220209

Yup, another anniversary is about to happen...but not one me would want nor wish to remember nor celebrate!! In 10 days...

And yup, it's on that fateful & mind-shattering day, 12 months ago, on 4th March 2008, that I discovered to my utter shock, dismay & deep disappointment that I no longer "knew" nor "recognised" my only son of 37 years...

Yup, this totally "new" guy came into our lives & made a mess of our family, our happiness & our future lives ahead!
( Note : For more details of the incident & my feelings, pls refer to my post on Tues 4th March 2008 & a few other related posts after that... )

A huge window was opened for my "true" son to come back on the occasion of my other half's birthday in August of that year...but, alas, he was already too "weak" to resurface again...lost out to the new stronger, more arrogant & disrespectful personality! Yup, he had become someone so strange to all of us...without any hint of love nor respect for his own father. Someone not of our upbringing. Someone most probably born out of the mess he found himself in...influenced by factors far stronger than our upbringing...

Anyway, another opportunity came when there was hope of a reconciliation...but, alas again, our lost "son" was still as weak as ever...with who knows what affecting his rational thinking & whatever love he might have for his father & the family he was born into...
A "battle of sms-es" ( that's what he called it ) ensued. That dashed all hopes of any comeback of the "son" we all had, once upon a time, knew.

And throughout the whole year, me had tried to "hint" & even pass messages, via my other half, to the son that I knew was still somewhere in that bundle of flesh & bones. But, as before, it is now felt that the love & feelings, that me thought that had existed between a father & son, is now so insignificant or worst still, now no longer exist.

As had been preached to me & heard ever so often, one has to learn to accept life as it happens. Take life as it comes. No amount of regret nor frustration will ever make things better nor turn back the clock of time.

Moreover, time & time again, I've put forward the question..."when do our responsibilities as parents end?" And the generic answer has always been the same. "When our kids have grown up & have families of their own."

In any issue, we can only hope that time truly heals all wounds. That time would pave the way for the opening of eyes of the wrong. So that the wronged would have his respect re-instated. And that the love he had for that child was not & had not been in vain.

In the meantime, Life, as is, must go on. One cannot choose one's children nor determine what nor how they will turn out to be. We can only do our best...to be the best parents we can ever be...under prevailing conditions at that point in time. And, in so doing, we can only hope that whatever we had done, our children would grow up & realise that all that was done with the care & love of their loving parents.

And if one day, your son turns around & tells you that he does not want to be a father like you ie to him now, you are a father who has made his life miserable, what can you do nor say that will ever change that distorted view of his? Really nothing, right? You may feel downright disappointed & deeply hurt but there's nothing you can do about that. You can only accept that you have just lost a son! That you have wasted all your care & love for a son who now no longer appreciates nor has that love you had for him. Yup, accept what he has become. You'll be happier if you do so. And the faster you do so, the earlier you'll be happier & the less you'll suffer.

Believe it or not...As I've told my kids at some point in their lives, "your parents would never knowingly do anything that would harm or hurt you in any way..." Believe it.

Finally, as had been mentioned in an earlier post, in a family there is NO such thing as one is a manager nor an accountant. Whatever one may be in the outside world, in a family, there can only be a Father, a Mother, a Son(s) and a Daughter(s). And it's LOVE that binds a family together. True?

Well, I feel that 1 whole year, or 12 months, is a long enough period for anyone who has wronged his father to realise that, to make amends & put things back into perspective...that of a son who had disrespected his own father...a father who had stood by him till he could stand on his own 2 feet! That light at the end of the tunnel has since dimmed considerably...

With that, me now look forward to happier times ahead...with my other half...hand in hand...back to "square one" when we were also only 2...focussed on the road ahead...living out our remaining years...till one of us has to leave the other behind. For whatever years we would be left & blessed with. Anything else good that comes our way,would be bonuses from God.
Amen.