How much time...?

Fri 261208

That's the "multimillion dollar" question...

"How much time...?"

To remove the cloud of mystery surrounding that question, here's the full question...

How much time does one give to a very close family member who has shown utter disrespect & issued a threat/ultimatum to an elder who has provided for him, nurtured him, supported & protected him (both knowingly & unknowingly to him) till he is now able to stand on his own 2 feet, so that the wrongdoer can explain, apologise, show regret/remorse/sadness, and right the wrongs that he has committed?

The "wrongs"?

1. Issued a direct threat/ultimatum to the said elder at the elder's residence (theoretically & practically a very disrespectful & unforgivable act by someone, if considering his position in the family);
2. Vehemently stated that the elder owed him MORE than the reverse (How could the elder owe him more in any conceivable way, considering the very senior status of that elder?);
3. Claimed that the elder started the incident (if the 2 phone calls made by him are put forward as evidence, it would be clear who started the incident).

So, is 9 months a long enough time for him to do so? What do you think?

"Doors" have been opened for him to do so but, alas, our "fren" was probably too high & mighty to grab the opportunity...most probably, he could not humble himself so. I would say that it's more of his feeling that he had done NO wrong...a denial? Or maybe he did not & has not been getting the correct /proper advice from those around him? I fear to think of a worse scenario...

A huge door of opportunity was opened in August but it was just simply "abused". 2 days 1 night passed without any attempt at reconciliation. From what ensued, it was clear that he came with no such intention in his heart nor mind!!

That was 5 months after the incident. 2 more months passed. Another door was opened. On the said elder's birthday. A little "poking" was initiated with the hope that it would invoke any latent feelings of respect/love & consequently, some concrete & positive actions would be forthcoming. Nope. Not a whimper of hope. Once again all efforts were in vain. Not a teeny weeny response. Sad but true. If you don't have it in you, you just don't have it! No amount of stimuli would be able to bring forth what is not in you...

Numerous reasons /excuses had been put forward (by others who came to know of the incident)...including the likes of these listed below:
1. busy with work (any1 of you so busy that you couldn't find time in 9 months to settle such an important family issue?) ;
2. lost control of himself (how does one in a managerial position get to be so if one cannot handle serious issues well? An error in a promotional exercise or....?);
3. stress (family & work) related (won't this add to all existing stress? Or is this a way to cut down his stress load?);
4. undue pressure by a third party prior to incident (still stress-related, right? Moreover, should be able to get one's priorities in correct perspective. );
5. no apology or similar actions cos of fear of that elder (just imagine how courageous & arrogant he was when he uttered the threat & ensuing accusations!);
6. his hope to be forgiven without any effort on his part (ridiculous assumption, right?);
7. he feels that if he acts like nothing happened, the said incident did not happen (logical?);
8. Etc., etc....not wanna bore you ppl lo...

The moral of it all?

What is not in the heart cannot be forced.

That line has been repeated countless times by so many. It kept on ringing in my mind over & over again but as each month passed, it slowly but surely dawned on me that there might be some truth in that quote. It is now so clear to me how true that is. Yup, there is no escape from that truth, is there? We can only let time heal the wounds & the deep hurt that resulted.

Well, to move forward, one must accept what life puts in front of us....good or bad. That is the 10% in the 10/90 philosophy that works so well to make our lives happier and to enable us to move forward. The 90% is for us to react, accept & look more positively towards the future ahead without such burdensome & painful encumbrances. Such a person is not worth the heartaches nor the headaches that come with continued involvement & pursuit. He will learn one day...hopefully...possibly the hard way! And yup,

"what goes around comes around"

...or so the saying goes. Is there truth in that saying too? Only time will tell...

Thank God that besides the excuses forwarded, there were also lots of re-assurances from caring & understanding ppl around. Such words provide further strength to the said elder to move on...w/o looking back in regret...eg.
1. The saying that "Water in a stream never flows upstream.";
2. A son doing so to his own father does not deserve any respect, esp since he's now also a father himself;
3. A parent has no choice as to what kind of child he would have;
4. Life is a cycle...he will go through worse when his time comes as the newer generation is expected to be less filial & less loving, being more materialistic;
5. A relative even said, "Thank God your son only did that...my son even wished for me to die earlier!!" Phew!
6. Let him be. He doesn't deserve your love...it's his loss! His sin.
7. You may have brought him up the best way you could and with the love you have all those long years but it only takes a short time with the wrong ppl around him to undo all the good you have done! Beyond your control...
8. It's not like you need him to survive.
9. He's the one who really owes you MORE! Only he himself & God knows...
10. One day he will not like what he sees of himself. Hopefully it's not too late...
And so on...

So sorry to be so philosophical today but I would like to move into the coming New Year of 2009 with happier thoughts and happy memories. Life is short & 9 months thus wasted on a non-productive issue is definitely not the way to go. Every bonus day is precious. Agreed?

So, let's enjoy the moment...the bonus days that God has given us & be thankful for what we are blessed with! Wishes remain wishes...dreams remain dreams.

A belated Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year 2009 to one & all!!!