What is Life? Do you ever wonder...?

Yup, it's that philosophical mood creeping in once more...

When we are young, life is just living it...feeling like nothing's greater or more important than living the day & looking forward to tomorrow. Whatever is going to happen next never really affects us much. Like we are always right in all we say or do. Like nothing matters more than our own feelings & view of issues in our daily lives.

Lately, me feel somehow different. Whatever happens around me matters. What I see. What I hear. What I do. Everything affecting my life matters. I feel. Like most say, these feelings & changes happen when one grows old. Am I that old now? Maybe so... Maybe I should adopt the attitude of the 3 monkeys? Like what my other half has been constantly advising me. Seems that is the only way one can go thru life well & not be affected needlessly.

Have you ever got the feeling that, after all these years, ppl supposedly close to you...eg yr own kids (now grown-up & all that)...should know you well? That they should know you well enuf to know in their hearts that you will never ever say nor do things to hurt them? That you are not one to mean what others mean when they say certain things? That you are you and not others?
That they are ppl special & dear to you? And so many other things that should make you stand out against all others in this world? Oh no...in their eyes, you can be no better than any other stranger around...sad but true...

Even tho I've been "preaching" the philosophy that "we are not ppl... " from the time they were teens only...I still get the feeling that the meaning in that simple statement never really sink in. Never really understood. Unless you are them, you will not understand either & feel that me am talking in riddles...sincere apologies.

Frankly, sad to say, I am slowly being "told" in bits & pieces that I am just like anybody else! The title of being a Father is just a word. How you've brought them up, all that you've tried to teach them, the love you've showered upon them....all that appears to have come to naught. Whatever good you might have done for them...not matter how numerous... is overshadowed by any event (even if only one!) considered to have been against their expectations of you. And, I am NO different from anybody else. What I say or do is equated the same as any unknown person in the world. Now, is that what the world has come to today? Or is that just me?

My other half has been trying to convert me...from the idealistic philosophical fool I have always been to a down-to-earth guy. All my life I've followed my heart. Now it seems I need to face the harsh realities in this world rather than live aimlessly in my own little dreamworld. Quotations like "Water in a river never flows upstream", "Never expect anything in return for whatever you do", "Look after ourselves & Live our own lives", "Count your blessings", "Thank God for our pensions" & many others... keep on recycling in my mind. "Be happy", she has been stressing, "with any good & happy event that takes place...otherwise, just be happy that we are still ok." Now, with each & every happening in my life this far, I'm slowly beginning to see the true wisdom of those words. And, hopefully, I'd be fully converted by the time me have to leave this world. In fact, I have to be...before that time!

I have taken actions which have been deemed ill-advised by most of my friends. Even tho I could ill-afford the luxury. Just imagine the idea of taking a flight when one you care & love is just down with the Flu! I have provided help, financially & otherwise, even at odd, unearthly hours. I have gone out of my way to keep them in my thoughts...taking action on those thoughts, at times practically almost everywhere I go. But Life to me now appears to be a one-way street. True love, care, faith, trust, understanding...qualities me value most in life...are seemingly absent. Non-existent, even...at times. Proving for a fact that what the heart does not have, the body will never be able to do. Cos then the mind dictates. And the mind has no feelings.

However, as many have pointed out too, Life is a cycle...and the saying that we hear often..."What goes around comes around..." is still doing its rounds. Good family values are slowly being eroded...slowly but steadily...and, if that continues, the next generation is gonna be no better...probably worse.

Excuse the wild, erractic ramblings of a tired, frustrated & disappointed ole fool in his own lost little private dreamworld. Pls...pls...do NOT ever put yourself in one like mine!

Sincerely hope I'm a rarity in this world. And, of course, that you are not like me!